A New Normal

In Ukraine I used to fantasize about what it would be like to be back in the US and drive again. After so long riding sluggish Ukrainian marshutkas on pockmarked roads, I imagined how terrified I'd be to drive fast again. I recalled this yesterday as I was doing 80 mph on I-94.

It's astonishing how fast we adjust to new circumstances. We can adjust to an increased (or decreased) workload, more (or less) frequent meals, and even life with (or without) loved ones. Whether things change for better or for worse, humans always seem to reach equilibrium pretty fast. Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert gave a TED talk in which he described the descrepancy between how (un)happy we expect to be and how happy we actually are following an unpleasant turn of events. The fact is, humans synthesize happiness when things go poorly. We're resilient like that.

Thanksgiving, Homecoming, and an Embarrassment of Riches

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have so much to be thankful for. The past month has been filled with sentimental goodbyes as I parted ways with friends I've made over the past two years. My departure from Ukraine has been extremely emotional and difficult, but I take this as a positive sign. I feel that the more difficult it is to leave, the more significant this experience must have been.

My homecoming was a surprise for my mother and my sister. My father secretly picked me up from the airport, and then we killed a few hours while waiting for my sister's flight to arrive from New York. My father and I got BBQ pork sandwiches for lunch (so delicious) and then went to Sam's Club for Thanksgiving-related groceries. This is the point in the story at which my mind exploded.

Perfect. Timing.

Last week I interviewed for a position with an education nonprofit. At the end of the interview, I learned that my desired start date might be a few weeks later than the organization would like. The opportunity would be great for me in so many ways, and I'd be great for the nonprofit too... but two weeks' difference might prove to be enough to undermine my candidacy.

So much in life is a matter of timing. Sometimes we take opportunities not because they're perfect--that is, exactly what we want--but because they're the best at the time (and we don't know if or when the perfect opportunity will come). Sometimes a job will be exactly what we want now but will lead to an unrewarding job down the line. To use marriage as an example, sometimes a perfect groom develops into an undesirable husband. After all, it's not only the job or spouse that changes; desires change too.

Wants and Needs

People get themselves all sorts of mixed up. Sometimes we mix up wants and needs. Sometimes we consider wants to be needs and vice versa. I was guilty of one specific example of this for a long time, but I've resolved to change.

Needs refers to things that are essential to our existence. Water, food, and oxygen are the most common examples of needs. But our existence is more than just physical, which is why there are other needs too, such as those described in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. These include achievement, friendship, and self-esteem. Wants refers to everything that makes our lives more enjoyable but isn't a need. Wants tend to vary from person to person, whereas needs don't (although the intensity of a need and method for meeting it might). The big trouble comes when we confuse wants and needs.

A Different Perspective

I met a young man named John in Sergeyevka, Ukraine. He had the kind of beard that bards used to sing songs about. In fact, his appearance could be approximated by imagining two shiny eyes nestled in a mass of wiry, chestnut hair. Sometimes he smiled, which revealed to those around him the location of his mouth.

A few months after our first meeting, John shaved his beard. I could hardly believe he was the same person; I could recognize him only by holding up my hand to block out the lower half of his face. It turned out that John was usually clean-shaven, and I happened to meet him during the one summer when he grew out his beard. Then I realized that my image of John was not accurate. That is, it wasn't the image that others had of him, nor was it the image he had of himself. I had been looking at him the wrong way. I had seen just one side of him, and it was temporary at that.

Beginnings and Endings

Preface:

I thought this would be a fitting inaugural post, as it marks the end of a narrowly-themed (and thus scantly updated) blog and the beginning of a broader (and hopefully more regularly updated) blog.

A lot of things are changing in my life. A new job, a new country. The end of a romantic relationship, the beginning of some remarkable friendships. Some of the things that are ending were part of my life for years; some lasted only a couple months. As new things begin in my life, I find myself wondering what (and who) will play an enduring role, and what (and who) won’t. But what specifically will last isn’t so important; what’s important is that the things that will last will do so because they contribute to my growth.

Endings are a time for reflection. As one lives the final moments, goes through the final motions, it's natural to think back on what transpired. My fellow Peace Corps volunteers and I recently had a close of service conference, signifying the end of our international engagement. The conference meant the end of being near other volunteers, some of whom I only befriended at the very end of service. It also represented the end of my immersion in a foreign culture. But my time here, although drawing to a close, marks the beginning of my interest in foreign languages and volunteering.