Wants and Needs

People get themselves all sorts of mixed up. Sometimes we mix up wants and needs. Sometimes we consider wants to be needs and vice versa. I was guilty of one specific example of this for a long time, but I've resolved to change.

Needs refers to things that are essential to our existence. Water, food, and oxygen are the most common examples of needs. But our existence is more than just physical, which is why there are other needs too, such as those described in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. These include achievement, friendship, and self-esteem. Wants refers to everything that makes our lives more enjoyable but isn't a need. Wants tend to vary from person to person, whereas needs don't (although the intensity of a need and method for meeting it might). The big trouble comes when we confuse wants and needs.

I'm a pretty logical person. I used to deliberately engage only in purposeful activities that offered some clear benefit, some well-defined reason for doing them. I'm ashamed to say I used to be a holier-than-thou workaholic. In college I prioritized studying over socializing because studying offered a clear, measurable benefit (good grades, a perceived need), whereas the benefit of socializing was less measurable and clear. But now I realize that unclear benefits can be both greater and more urgently needed than clear ones. By opening myself up in recent months to all manner of work and social invitations, I've gained friends, ideas, and a sense of happiness that's long been missing from my life. And these are things that I need.

I'm certainly not the only one who has mixed up wants and needs; plenty of people prioritize the need to earn lots of money over the want to spend time with their families and friends. But it's worth considering: which one is truly necessary to one's existence, and which one could be dispensed with? There comes a point when an incremental financial increase isn't worth the incremental emotional decrease. People love doing things with quantifiable outcomes because it makes measuring success easier, but what good is easily measuring the wrong thing? At least for me, the successes that matter most tend to be unmeasurable. (Suggested reading: How Will You Measure Your Life?)

A few days ago I received word that my application to Harvard Business School (HBS) was denied. Though disappointing, it wasn't a total surprise. It caused me to think about what I truly need and what I simply want. HBS was a want. Ultimately, an MBA is a want. It's one of many ways for me to get something I need. And just to be clear, money is not that thing. What I need is to know that I'm making the contribution to this world that I was equipped to make, even if it's just a tiny improvement to one person's life. I need to feel that I'm making prudent use of the tools and opportunities given to me and not squandering my chances. And just like the need for water, it's a need that I could meet every day yet somehow never satisfy. Might I be pleased with my contribution? Perhaps. Content? Never.